Fun Fact Friday: A Fresh New Wind

I love blogs. I really do. In fact, I'm addicted. But, they can pose a problem, and actually, I'm referring to more than the fact that my dishes and laundry piles seem to stay bigger, longer now that the blog has entered my life. No, it's more than that. It's the fact that sometimes you can start comparing yourself to others. If you live with my brain and heart, comparisons usually spells disaster. And, usually it's not a fair comparison. A lot of people only put their best face forward, and only write about the good stuff........when it looks like they could win "mom of the year" for the next 10 years straight.

Don't get me wrong, that stuff is fun to read. But, just recently I read a post that was so real it was breathtaking. And, it was NOT all roses and perfection. It was raw, but beautiful. Since reading it, I have been 'slapped in the face' with how God can use something simple like a blog, to minister and speak to many; if we can find it within ourselves to be real and transparent from time to time. Obviously, I'd want the fun stuff to stay and probably even dominate; but I think there is truth to the fact that God can get glory from our struggles and our honesty. Not to mention the fact that we just really never know who will read it, and who just might need to hear it.

With that being said, I'm going to go out on a limb here and share one of mine. Thankfully, it does have a happy ending, but that's just because I waited too long to post the initial concern. Here is fair warning: If you don't know me already, "short and to the point" is not in my vocabulary. But, here is where God has had me lately. It wasn't fun at first, but the Fun Fact is: A fresh new wind is a welcome change. Here goes:

Ok, I was in a rut, a rough spot, a desert, a dry spell. Call it what you will, but it was me. I had been struggling with discontent and an uneasiness for a while. I felt like my quiet times were flat and that my prayers were hitting the ceiling. I knew what I needed to do, but couldn't ever make it happen; or, I knew what I needed to 'not' do and I wasn't willing to make that happen either.


It wasn't just one thing, but an unhappiness with almost everything "me" not my family or my marriage or stuff like that, more my personal personality flaws and my mothering; and I couldn't shake it. And, not only was it unhappiness it was tons and tons of guilt (which just happens to be my middle name). I came "this close" [picture me with my thumb and pointer finger very close together] to doing a post about it to just kind of lay it out there as a prayer request. I even had the title and everything. You wanna hear it? Ok, it was going to be "Just like Paul, only worse" and I was going to include the well known scripture where Paul is wrestling with himself about what he does and does not do (Romans 7:15-16). But, for whatever reason, I didn't. I don't think I was too embarrassed or anything as I'm fairly transparent, but, I think I was too busy--which, when you think of it, isn't that one of Satan's greatest tools.

Anyway, I finally had had enough. I sat down to spend some time with my Saviour. I told him (in true Shana fashion: I wrote them down in a list) all the areas that I hated, the things that I knew I needed to change. I went down the list of and asked him to help me with. each. and. every. single. one. I kept going....I asked for God to help me to recognize when Satan was at work trying to get me to believe his lies about me; some of which, may have even been lies I was telling myself. I asked God to give me a deeper relationship with him. And, I asked that as a result of that deeper relationship, my kids would sense my passion for Christ and want it for themselves.

This was not even 2 weeks ago. Yet, I have felt like I was breathing in, deep in my lungs, a fresh new wind from him. It was noticeable. Palpable. And, there were (and are) areas where I have noticed legitimate improvement, like I was operating under someone Else's (HIS) ability.

And this is my favorite part: There have been a few times, when I've blown it in certain areas. Where I immediately recognized, "yep, that's exactly what you shouldn't do" yet, for the first time, the guilt wasn't there. I quickly said to myself, "No, that's not what you're shooting for, so just aim higher next time." It was like God was saying to me, "I know you're trying Shana, cut yourself some slack." Sometimes, even most of the time, I'm my own worst enemy. But, I think that is slowly starting to change.

It makes me cry just thinking about it. Breathing in the deep grace of Christ. I've known about it all my life, it's just clicking better these days; maybe that's what pit dwelling does for you. This is it, this is what he came for.......for my sin, for me, because he loves me. There truly is no condemnation. It's a fresh new wind to my soul and spirit. It's a fragrant, pleasant, strong wind that I can take in, deep. I'm so thankful for it. Hopefully, it will be a contagious joy. Hopefully, I'll be able to breath it out, and shine for HIM. Maybe, this was my first step.