OK, I've been formulating a post in my head for a while now. It was going to be a rant and rave about my last few days....how my kids aren't behaving, my clothes aren't fitting, I still need some brown shoes, my hair is falling out, etc. ad nauseum. Lets just say I've had a rough week..especially with the kids. And, honestly its funny how their temporary lapses in common sense (that you know God gave them) immediately reflects on your parenting skills. Somehow you suddenley become a failure and you look around and for that brief (sometimes long) moment it seems that everyone else is doing it right. Anyway, as I was cooking supper (Monday night) and just plain old mad, (something I've been a lot lately) I was drafting my post in my head. It just seemed like nothing was quite right. Nothing was seriously wrong (and trust me I'm very grateful) but nothing, and I do mean nothing was right either.
Have you ever been there? In "the funk" or the "mully grubs". Well, I have been for about a week or so now. Lord knows my life's ambitition is Not to be a whiny sulker, but sometimes you just feel like you deserve to wallow in it. And by yesterday afternoon, I was so wallowing. But, I've firmly decided and I declare to all 3 (ha ha) of my faithful blog readers that I'm over it. Over the last few days, time and again I kind of felt a prompting to be done with it. For instance, I was getting my hair done Friday and my stylist asked what was wrong (geez, I hate that I was THAT transparent). And, I said, "oh nothing and everything, I guess I've just got a lot to be aggravated about. But I'm so sorry that I'm being a 'debbie downer' today." He replied, "Oh honey, you're not being a downer, I have clients who come in telling me that their cancer is back or they hate their job or whatever, so trust me, you're not being a downer." OK Lord, point taken. Ouch!! He was gently, but very clearly saying to me, you have nothing to be aggravated about. So, I resolved in my mind to take hold of the JOY of the Lord. And, I sailed through Friday night without problem. But by late Saturday and even a little on Sunday I could feel myself focusing on my 'stuff'. Sunday night, I couldn't sleep so I got up to pray. I prayed specifically for the week to come, for my parenting abilities, and for the self discipline to continue my exercise and quiet time all week (among other things). Well, Monday was the absolute, mother-of-all, battle of the wills between myself and my children. They totally ganged up on me, and the 'gloves were off', but I was determined to win. Mind you, I had to wait for daddy reinforcements to come home before I was declared victorious, but at least it was 2 on 2 then. But don't feel too sorry for me, they were in their rooms while we waited on daddy :) And, if the battle itself didn't make me mad enough, I was more mad at myself that I was being defeated, not only by my kids, but by the enemy as well...especially after praying. I had, once again, let the events of the day steal my joy and tempt me into wallowing. And, once again I was reminded that there are worse things than having a bad behavior day with your kids. I was reading some of the comments on Beth Moore's blog, and it is just apparent from their comments that things could be so much worse.
Don't ask me why I'm saying all of this. I guess it was time for a post, and this is just where I've been. And, part of me thinks that its good to 'air out' and pass on what the Lord is sharing with you. Next time, it would be nice if I could tell you what the Lord is sharing with me without making myself look like a complete brat (or some other more effective word).......but I am what I am ( a work in progress.) And, also, don't get me wrong, I don't think of myself as terrible or anything. I know everybody has days like this, and everbody has kids who have a bad day. So, I'm not living with a barrel of guilt or anything, I'm just saying that I'm a slow learner!!
So hopefully, the next time you see me, I will have a happy heart. If, for any reason, I don't have a happy heart please give me a swift kick in the pants.
Joyfully yours,
Shana
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3 comments:
Well, the mully-grubs must run common on this street. Last night, I refused to even eat supper, it's like I wanted to feel hungry to at least have a reason to be ill. I stated, "It tastes awful and I refuse to waste the calories on such an entree." I couldn't believe those words even came out of my mouth. The worst part...I had cooked it. I've been there with 'ya, sister. Let me tell, ya. The worst part is not feeling like I have a reason to be that way. I'll be praying for you. By the way, the weirdest thing happend today...I got a shoe shipment and there was an extra pair of brown shoes in it. I promise. I called to tell the customer service that I only needed one pair of the brown and they said to keep them and share them with someone who might want to try them! WEIRD. You are welcome to them. They are very comfortable. Maybe they could at least hold you over until you find the right pair. I'm in the eternal search for the best shoes. Standing all day with heel pain means I have to know the best shoes and be wearing them. I really like the BORN brand (Tammy intro'd me to them). I found a great casual style at Belk Hamilton Place. Just my tidbit of knowledge. I don't think January will ever end. Things that have made me feel better this week: 1) everyone's blogs are a joy to read, 2) one good customer service experience, 3) a new episode of IDOL tonight, and 4)egg rolls from PF Chang's! How about that for an almanac fact?
Surely January must end sometime soon. What's the Farmers Almanac say about the phases of the moon? :)
Praise the Lord!!!, I finally unscrambled the "characters". I was beginning to think you had it rigged so that my comments couldn't get through--not that I ever offer my opinion. You think you have it bad, wait until you have 62 Januarys, do like I do, just xxx out January off your calender, although that has the potential for disaster written all over it if the husband didn't do something special for valentine's day. Oh well, like Mama always says, "this to shall pass".
Hang in there, I'm proud of you.
Mom
P.S. I don't know what it means but my character was bill ya.
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